Resident can’t believe ‘it’s not butter’

To the Editor:

Have you ever seen Stratford Mayor Tom Harkins and Osama Bin Laden in the same place at the same time? No, you haven’t. Just like you never see Superman and Clark Kent at the same time. I think that’s pretty clear evidence that our Mayor is actually Osama Bin Laden. Or Lois Lane. I need more funding to complete my research.

Oh, that can’t be true, local politicians will claim. The Stratford Town Council wants you to believe that Osama Bin Laden is dead. This same Town Council also wants you to believe that King Kong is dead, shot by airplanes and plummeting off the top of the Empire State Building back in the 1930s. And again in the late 70s. And once more in 2005.

Wake up and smell the coffee, people! Those were Hollywood movies, not real life. King Kong lives!

On the InterWebs there are people who claim that the horrific tragedy in Newtown was staged by the US government: That, in fact, it never happened at all, as reported by the media. Well, I’ve got news for them. The reality is that the entire of state of Connecticut does not exist! Can you prove it does?

It’s actually a mass hallucination created by a sinister group composed of Presbyterian bankers, the Ice Cube cartel, rogue members of the Illuminati and the Walt Disney Corporation. What people think is CT is actually all just Westchester County.

White Plains, NY and New Haven, CT are the same town! Why hasn’t anyone before me noticed this?

I’ve also been alarmed at the appearance throughout Stratford of red, octagonal signs with the mysterious letters S. T. O. and P. on them. Who’s responsible for this? What bizarre message are they trying to convey? Could it be the work of the New World Order? Why won’t anyone at the Town Department of Public Works answer these questions? What exactly are they hiding?

At the Stop & Shop on East Main Street they sell a product called “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!” Well, I don’t believe it’s not butter. And why should I? Because some marketing consultant working for the Butter Cartel wants me to? Sorry, Big Butter, but you’ll have to do better than that to convince me!

I could go on (and on) and reveal many more secrets and conspiracies that would undoubtedly break your mind if you read them. These are just the tip of the Stratfordian ice berg, if you will. I just wanted to see if the editors of the Star would publish anyone’s crazy letter, or if that right was reserved solely for George Mulligan.

Joe Pedoto

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  • George Mulligan

    Mr. Pedoto’s letter had me laughing throughout the entire script
    & totally broke me up with the last paragraph.
    – I suspect his was a collaborative effort?
    – If not, he should be a professional comedian. Actually even if it
    was a group effort, it was a better read than most things I’ve seen
    & heard on TV or Movies.
    – Maybe because I’m personally involved, I thought it was brilliant.
    – Mayhaps’ he’ll perform at next summer’s shakespeare Festival.

    I learn more from people who don’t believe me or don’t like me, than
    from those who silently sit on the sidelines.

    However, with every attack on my credibility, Joe reminds people
    about issues, even if they prefer to believe his view & don’t believe
    my view, at least they are thinking about it & those issues.
    This keeps people involved & entertained.
    That’s good for the Stratford Star.

    Do I care if some people don’t believe my positions or mock me?

    I care about protecting Lives & Livelihoods.
    I raise issues OUTSIDE of most peoples’ belief systems.

    See Wikepedia: Mirror imagining intelligence analysis
    > Intelligence analysis is plagued by many of the cognitive traps also
    encountered in other disciplines.
    > These traps may be rooted either in the analyst’s organizational culture
    or his or her own personality.
    > The most common personality trap, known as mirror-imaging, is the
    analysts’ assumption that the people being studied think like the analysts

    Consider this, also from Wikipedia:

    A jester, or fool, was a historical person employed to entertain a ruler in medieval times

    In ancient times, courts employed fools and by the Middle Ages the jester
    was a familiar figure.
    In Renaissance times, aristocratic households in Britain employed licensed
    fools or jesters, who sometimes dressed as other servants were dressed,
    but generally wore a motley (i.e. parti-coloured) coat, hood with ass’s
    (i.e. donkey) ears or a red-flannel coxcomb and bells.
    Regarded as pets or mascots, they served
    > not simply to amuse but to criticise their master or mistress and their guests.

    > Queen Elizabeth (reigned 1558-1603) is said to have rebuked one of her
    fools for being insufficiently severe with her.

    > Mr. Pedoto (& friends?) are my jesters ….

    “Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it.”
    ― Henry David Thoreau

    “Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those that are fools, let them use their talents.”
    ― William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

  • Joe Pedoto

    Once again George Mulligan pierces the veil between alleged reality and um, well, that other thing, that’s not reality. That one. Over there.

    He is correct. In fact, “Joe Pedoto” is not a single person. Now it can be told! Remember, you read it here in the Stratford Star, first!

    Those writing under this name are a loose association of authors including (but not limited to) Christopher Marlowe, Francis Bacon, Edmund Spenser, Edward de Vere, the 17th Earl of Oxford and William Stanley, the 6th Earl of Derby.

    Well played, George. Very well played, indeed!

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